发布时间 : 星期四 文章安徽省2013届高考英语书面表达专题指导更新完毕开始阅读
分析：这段文字用简单句表达，它们之间内在的逻辑关系含糊不清，意思支离破碎。如果使用过渡词，将单句与其前后合并，形成主次关系，就把一个比较复杂的内容和关系表达得层次清楚、结构严谨。
修改后的文章：
TV and Website
Both TV and website are popular media. They have something in common. Both of them make money from ads. Similar to TV, websites also have different sections, so that you may choose the one you are most interested in.
However, they are different in many ways. Above all, moving pictures are shown on TV with sound and interpretation, which makes you feel as if you are just on the spot. Then, the programs change every day and professional TV reporters do the report for TV. Unlike TV, some information on websites change all the time, but not all of it is so updated. In addition, everybody can write articles for websites rather than professional reporter.
In a word, every medium has its own features, so it is hard to say which is better.
修改后的文章用过渡词来衔接上下段
第一段第一句为：Both TV and website are popular media. They have something in common.
第二段第一句为：However, they are different in many ways.
第三段第一句为：In a word, every medium has its own features…
这篇短文每一段的第一句都是主题句，在每个主题句前使用both…and, however, in a word使全文有序地衔接起来。
修改后的文章中还恰当的使用了其他的一些过渡词，也使文章增色不少。
以下我们在一起看一看2005年高考江西卷书面表达试题及参考例文，注意其中过渡词的使用。
原题：
人们对于学生网上交友持不同意见。请你用英语写一篇关于学生网上交友的短文，介绍人们的不同观点，并表达自己的看法。
赞成的理由 1．广交朋友 2．可自由表达思想 3．利于外语学习
反对的理由 1．浪费时间 2．影响学习 3．可能上当受骗 你的看法 ？ 注意：1．文章必须包括表中的全部内容。
2．词数为100左右。
3．参考词汇： 网络朋友on-line friend(s)，上当受骗to be cheated 范文：:
Should students make friends on line? Some people say yes. The internet helps make many friends. Chatting on line, students can more freely express their feelings and opinions, and even get help with their foreign language studies.
Others, however, think students should not. They say making friends on line is a waste of time, which should be spent more meaningfully on study. Besides, some students get cheated on line.
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It is my opinion that students should place their study, health and safety before other things. As for friendship, we can readily find it in our classmates and other people around us.
五、规范书写，一气呵成
NMET的卷面分数一般也有2—3分,这就是大家常说的“印象分”。因此考生一定要做到书写规范，不要盲目地赶时间，忽略了书写。就是自己的书法不好，也要一笔一划，工工整整的书写，即使是标点符号也要认真对待，切忌草书、狂草，须知把字写好往往会给你带来一个意想不到的收获。
六、仔细检查，润色加工 文章写完后，应认真、全面地检查，尽量减少不必要的错误或失误，并适当修改文章，润色加工。
检查加工时可以按照以下步骤进行：
1）统计字数。估计一下整篇文章字数，如已经超过了规定范围，则应将一些无关紧要的句子删掉，如果字数不足，则应围绕题材中心要点做适当的增写。
2）检查段落。检查一下分段情况，看是否已分段以及段落划分是否合理。 3）参照提示要求，检查体裁、格式是否正确，内容要容是否全面。
4）有意识的将一些“低级词汇”处理成“高级词汇”；将一些“简单结构”处理成“较复杂结构”。即适当调整用词、句型，或改换表达方式，使词汇、句子多样化，结构复杂化。从而增加文章“亮点”，增加得高分的机会。
5）检查拼写、标点及语法错误。考生在检查时应注意拼写错误、大小写问题，标点符号问题；语法上应注意是否有主谓一致、时态一致、称谓一致、固定搭配等方便的错用。
6）最后，考生应再次检查卷面是否整洁。
考生在平时进行书面表达训练时就应注意控制写作时间。正文写作部分建议用时15~20分钟，考生务必留5~10分钟作为检查时间。很多考生忽略了对作文的检查，但事实上检查是非常有必要的，通过对文章的检查、润色，可能提高得分档次或增加得高分的机会。
句子改进实例：
1. 艺术家们的工作促进了我们文明的发展。。
The artist's work pushes our civilization to a higher level. 改进：Artists' work upgrades our civilization. 2. 假如你在一家大型工厂工作。
For example, you work in a big factory. 改进: Suppose you work in a big factory.
3. 你会发现这个工作很适合你，你会把它当成你的职业。
You'll find you are fit for business and you can make it your main job.
改进：You'll find that you are cut out for business and you can make it your career. 4. 如果我们只靠运气，那什么也得不到。 We will own nothing at all if we depend on luck. 改进: We will get nowhere if we rely on luck.
5. 他要涨工资了，那样他的生活水平就能提高了。 He will get a higher salary to improve his living level. 改进: He will get a higher salary, thus improving his life. 6. 他们思想还不成熟。
Their brain is still very young.
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改进: They are still immature. 7. 不满足能使人奋进。
Dissatisfaction makes people produce desire for better things. 改进: Dissatisfaction impels people for the better. 8. 他们能分辨是非。
They can't analyze clearly what is right and what is wrong. 改进: They cannot tell right from wrong.
9. 这会有助于孩子们养成合理利用时间的良好习惯。
It will help children to form a good habit of dealing with time. 改进: It will help children learn to make good use of time. 10. 尽管这个工作并不是最好，但至少能使你生活无虞。 Though it is not the best job, it afford to his life.
改进: Though it is not the best job, a job is a job. He can make ends meet with it. 11. 因为人们永远不满足于现状，所以他们想要进一步发展。
Since people are always not satisfied with their present situation, they want further development.
改进: Since people are never satisfied with their status quo, they want further development.
12. 他们唯一要做的事就是找个能赚大钱的工作。
The only thing they need to do is to find a job which can easily get big money.
改进: The only thing they need to do is to find a job that can bring them big money. 13. 他们更喜欢的是充满挑战的生活，而不是平静的生活。 They like an active life but not a peaceful life.
改进: They like an active life rather than a peaceful one. 14. 这些雪茄可能要花不少钱。
Some cigarettes may even cost a larger sum of money. 改进: Some cigarettes may cost even more. 15. 首先，不满意鼓励了开发新产品。
Firstly, dissatisfaction encourages the discovery of new products.
改进: Firstly, dissatisfaction encourages the invention of new products. 16. 为了适应将来工作的需要，学生们必须学习掌握一些实用技能。
In order to suit the needs of entering into work, students must grasp some technical skills. 改进: In order to meet the needs of future work, students must learn some practical skills. 17. 需要有更多的合格的科学家和技术人员。
It is very necessary more qualified scientists and technicians. 改进: Qualified scientists and technicians are in great demand. 18. 你要使这些知识成为你的一部分。
This knowledge will become a part of your body. 改进: This knowledge will become part of you. 19. 他们想不太明白。 They cannot think clearly.
改进: They cannot think straight. 20. 钱能改善生活条件。
Money can improve their living standard. 改进: Money can improve their life.
21. 父母总希望孩子能找到一个好工作、赚大钱。
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Parents always think that children will get a good job and earn a lot of money.
改进: Parents always expect their children to get a good job and earn a lot of money. 22. 如果一个学生只关心钱，他的生活不会幸福。
If a student only cares about money, he will lead to be unhappy all his life.
改进: If a student only cares about money, he will be misled and will be unhappy all his life.
23. 教育的目的之一就是学会如何学习。
One purpose of education is to study the way in which he studies later. 改进: One purpose of education is to learn to learn. 24. 很多父母让孩子学钢琴。
Many parents arrange their children go to learn piano. 改进: Many parents send their children to piano classes.
下面我们来具体看一篇英语书面表达学生习作如何修改： 原题：
假设你叫李华，今年暑假你的朋友Jane及其家人要到北戴河度假。她想租一套合适的住房。你碰巧在网上发现几则租房广告，认为其中一个较为合适，于是你将广告中的相关信息用e-mail发给Jane，供她参考。内容：房子位于城区，距机场高速公路仅一公里；备有安全系数高的停车场；附近有医院和现代化购物中心；要了解更详细的情况，请查阅网址www.hr.com.cn。100词左右。
Dear Jane,
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
学生习作： Dear Jane,
I’m very glad to hear you will come to Beidahe to spend your summer holiday with your family. I’ve just read several ads for house rent from the Internet, they might interest you, I think.
One of the flat lies in the city seems to be suitable. It is only one km from the flat to the freeway leading to the airport, meanwhile, there is a safely-guarded parking area. And you can find a hospital and a modern shopping center nearby. The good designed flat looks fine and there is enough room for your family. If you need father information, you may look up the webside “www.houserent.com.cn.”.
评析：
就文章内容而言，这是一篇相当不错的学生习作。要点齐全、行文连贯、条理清晰；当然，习作也有不少不足之处。以下我们一起按步骤来检查一下这篇习作。
1）字数：本文每行大约18个单词，6行左右，总计100词左右。字数符合题目要求。 2）段落：本文分为两段，基本合理。也可把最后一句话“If you need father information, you may look up the webside “www.houserent.com.cn.”.”另起一段。
3) 本文是一篇e-mail，属于书信，应有固定格式。但该篇习作作者忽视了这一点，文章缺少了结束语和署名。须在正文后另起一行，空3~4个字符加上结束语，如“Best wishes!”；在右下角署名“Yours, Li Hua”。
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